Seeds

Back and forth along life’s course…

I find myself lost again.

Searching for answers in a forest filled with weeds

Hoping to stumble upon fruitful seeds.

Or maybe, they will eventually find me.

But for the time being, I’m wondering what your mind sees.

Pondering what image of me you perceive.

The picture of perfection is what human desire brings,

But we both know those are merely a child’s dreams.

It’s no secret, my queen… I am covered with blemish like a hound with fleas.

Which makes me wonder: Am I really what a bride needs?

To be immersed in loneliness even when I’m right by your side?

The uncertainty of how to handle your silent cries will be my demise.

But I hear you, baby…

It’s just sometimes the noise in this forest drives me crazy.

Numb to what’s in front of my own 2 eyes.

Aware of what’s there,

Only to never have enough time to take an honest peak.

Instead, I’m too busy looking down at my size 10 feet.

Wondering how these dogs are able to support such a mess.

Never prepared for any of life’s tests.

Always attempting my best but to no avail,

Never failing to yield to stress.

The story of the young, Black American male

Through trial and error walking life’s trail.

Strikes tallied up prior to leaving the womb.

Systematically predestined for prison or an early tomb…

Fed a fairytale since elementary

About the benefits of school.

And if you get good grades, it’ll pay off soon.

But the only paying off I see

Is the debt toll from living the Rat Race American Dream…

Still. I search for answers through this wretched forest.

Feeling somewhat of a misguided tourist in a foreign land.

What’s worse is I don’t think anyone understands

What it feels like to be treated as just another grain of sand…

If this forest were a beach, I’d plant my feet, stand,

And feel the breeze graze my face with opened hands.

I close my eyes again and imagine what your mind sees.

While walking life’s course, in search of fruitful seeds.